It's All In Your Head Mr. Tweedy . . .

I am experiencing some moderate back pain. It's something that I've had before but not quite to this extent, since typically it tapers off after a couple days and this is currently my 3rd week and counting.

It's lower back pain, and off to one side and bad enough my husband made me see the doctor about it. Which was a hassle for the most part, but I did it because seeing me miserable was making him miserable, and I don't like for him to be unhappy. And the doctor gave me meds for it :)

Anyway, that's not really the story here. The story is that I think this is all in my head. For the past 6 months work has been a nightmare. From the pharmacy manager quiting to two lead technicians quitting to the more tolerable pharmacist quitting it's gotten to be a more than a little hectic.

After months of pharmacists-on-the-go and management being temporarily taken over by not the most organized of pharmacists we finally got a new manager . . . and that's when things started really getting bad.

What I'm saying is, I dread going to work. I hate it. I go and I'm mad about how crazy and stupid things are and then I come home and obsess about how crazy and stupid things were. My dreams are filled with scheduling nightmares and insurance company phone calls, and once images of our disorderly file box exploding from the volume of unsorted papers being stuffed into it.

But here's the kicker, yesterday, my back didn't hurt a bit. It was one of my days off, and I was just enjoying spending time with my hubby. Then about 5pm rolled around and I started thinking about the next day and every so slightly my back twinged a little, that twinge gradually grew into a steady dull ache, and by this morning it was back to it's lovely stabbing pain at any twist, turn, or bend.

I just don't think I should have to deal with both the crappy work situation and a sore back. And since the back doesn't seem to be going anywhere . . .

Stumbling Block

Yesterday, I mentioned something to my husband about it being September 11th. He responded with "so? all that 'never forget' crap is just stupid," which kind of startled me at first, but then really got me thinking about things.

Once I got over the initial "what??" moment of his comment, it actually kind of made sense. What exactly are we remembering?

Are we striving not to forget the people that died that day? Or are we dwelling on the violent, hateful, evil act that caused all those deaths? When we think about that day to we remember the images of the planes crashing into the buildings, or do we think about the courage of the people on Flight 93 that attempted to and, at least in part, succeeded to thwart the terrorists plans? It seems that generally the focus is a negative one.

I believe that in most situations, our inability to move on only serves to handicap us. When someone offends us, focusing on the slight only makes us unhappy and spiteful. And obsessing over something we have no control over will only make us crazy. Though this was an intentional act meant to strike us to our core, it is not that different. Our negative focus has only served to create an abundance of misplaced distrust and even hatred of a culture and system of beliefs, who are likely just as horrified by the actions of the extremist groups that are truly to blame. Dwelling on the past only makes it easier to stumble and fall because we aren't looking where we are headed; to the future.