Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dark Secrets

I collect dark secrets.

Not my own of course. That would be weird, I mean, how many dark secrets can one person have? When that person is me, not very many. What I'm talking about ties into this post that I wrote over two years ago. Apparently, in addition to asking me for advice about various subjects, people also like to tell me their dark secrets.

I know so much about people it's scary. I fear for my life. One of these days someone is going to do something really bad and then tell me and then they are going to change their mind about wanting me to know it. And then I'll have to make a break for it. Because even though I've taken self-defense classes twice, I know that I would lose in a fight against most people. Especially if they are someone I care about in any way. I would tell you where I plan on escaping to, but then I'd have to come up with a whole new plan because you'll know exactly where to look for me.

I have a talent for attracting confessions of past misdeeds. Or just plain regular lesser known details of people's lives. In fact, telling people that I have this bizarre gift seems to inspire more dark confessions. I don't know what to do. I should write a book. "Eris Tells All: a collection of unknown facts of the people around me" by Eris, Goddess of Discord. I could make millions! bwahahaha!

Ok, so probably not. Sorry, but even if I had the time and the guts to put together such a book, I don't think people would really be interested in buying it. Someone spilling someone else's secrets just brings to mind the tabloids at the check-out counter. Most of it could be denied. I have no proof about most of these things. Nothing would hold up in court. It's much more entertaining when someone decides to spill all about their own hidden lives. And in all honesty, there's not much I could write about on that.

How would that even go?

I ate those Hershey bars that you put in the freezer mom. Years ago. Matt helped me. Sorry Matt, but I'm not going down alone on this one.


Jen said...

Ha ha, so it was YOU!

Here's my confession--I loved snitching so much as a kid that I still do it, even with stuff that is 1-mine, and 2-I don't mind sharing, but just fun to sneak it sometimes.

Belladonna said...

I used to work in a residential treatment center for people with signficant emotional problems. In that role I listened to many deeply personal stories from my clients, often bearing witness to dark secrets. At the time it was sometimes excruciating. But the truth is after I left that position all those tales of woe and horror pretty much evaporated from my brain. Now I hardly recall them at all. Blessedly they have slipped away into the ether, hopefully bringing some healing along the way. There is something powerful about sharing secrets in a safe environment of trust for sure.